Concentrate the mind on the present moment.

Hello again.
It's been a while since I last blogged here.

I recently read a quote, it goes like this:

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present moment"

I used to use this blog to write about things that were hurting me. But I want to blog more often now.
I live abroad at the moment and someone who I was very close to recently moved back home. But his home will never be close enough to my home. I think it is safe to say that I miss him. I miss him so much. It isn't the same here anymore, but life does go on, with or without him. He wasn't a boyfriend, but I did love him. We weren't together, but I think I wanted us to be. I don't know. But he's gone.

I wish I could live a life following the quote that I previously mentioned. I'm always stuck in the past or thinking about my future. What if I never get married? What if I never have children? What if my dreams don't come true?

Yesterday I went to a traditional Spanish festival.
It is tradition to write three wishes on a piece of paper and then jump over 7 waves and throw the wishes into the sea.
I can't tell you what they were. But I hope that they come true.

I am sad that I haven't blogged in so long and reading back on all my posts makes me realise how much my life has changed but then how it is also so very similar. I think I have found myself this year and I think I am a lot more independent. I am still single. But I am okay being single. And I think that's the best part of it all. Besides, you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. I'm learning to love myself.

I'm currently reading "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and it's teaching me a lot about life. Here is my favourite quote, I am sure that there will be more to follow:

Stay away from what might have been and look at what will be

"People come into our lives to teach us something. People come and people go and people make a difference. And it’s okay that they’re not in our lives anymore"

 -Laurenne Sala

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

These lyrics tell the story of my whole life. 

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Feeling pretty low right now... 2012 you better bring me better things!!!! 

Stop thinking tomorrow will be a better today

too many emotions.

I have so many emotions going through my head that I just don't know what to do with them all. This is when I feel I have to write them all out here. But then when it comes to it, I don't know how I feel or what I feel. I was doing just fine before I met him. Everything was good, I was happy, there was nothing more that I wanted. And then I went and fucking met him. And from the moment I left him standing there on that platform, I haven't been the same person. I left a part of me with him, and I don't think he even realises that. He has no idea that I'm feeling like this and I'm far too scared to tell him. How is it even possible that I've fallen this hard for him? He was just a stranger a couple of weeks ago and now he's the only thing I want in life. I don't want anything else. But I don't even know if I'll see him again. He just text me right this second saying "you're amazing". He's amazing. He's the nicest guy I've ever met in my whole life. Him and I just fit together. It felt so perfect in his arms. But now I don't know what I'm supposed to do. My head is a mess. I can't concentrate because he's literally all I think about. All I want to do is plan when we can next see each other, but I don't want to seem keen. It is the most complicated situation I have ever been in. I just want to see him again. I would tell him how I feel and I would never let him go. He's amazing and all I want to do is make him happy. I don't want to say I love him, because I don't know if I do. But I like him so much, it really does hurt.

Scared.

I want to tell you that I love you.

That I think about you everyday. 

That when I talk to you I have a constant smile on my face. 

That you make me laugh so much. 

I want to tell you that I've fallen for you but I don't know how it's possible. 

But...I'm scared.

You had me at hello.

I promised myself I would never fall for anyone ever again. 

What happened?