What does it feel like to be in love?

It feels like your whole world finally makes sense.

It feels like nothing else matters but that one person who owns your heart.

It feels amazing to know that there is always someone there for you, no matter what time of day. 

It feels like your future is finally laid out for you. 

It feels like everyday is a new journey that you can't wait to experience.

It feels like happiness when you wake up smiling and go to sleep smiling.

It feels like a dream which you know is real.

It feels like everything finally makes sense to you and you finally know where you want to be in ten years time. 

It feels like perfection...

And it fucking hurts when it's gone. 

You hurt me and I hurt you.. that's how it's going to be from now on.

So I spoke to "him" yesterday and he fucked me up all over again. He's seeing someone ten times better than me, he never even wants to be friends with me, and he doesn't want anything to do with me ever again. So at first I was upset, and crying and a bit of a mess. But then I realised well, why do I care? Yeah I love him, but I'll fall out of love with him one day. Why do I want someone in my life who "doesn't give a fuck" if he hurts me? And I realised that the answer is I don't want anything to do with someone like that. Right now it's hard not to pick up the phone and call him and ask for an explanation. But I know that one day things will get better and that I'll realise I don't need him anymore. I just can't wait for that day. I'm still in love with the person he used to be, not the person he is now. He changed and I just need to realise that he's not the same boy I fell in love with. So many relationships are breaking up around me, and so many are just forming. It's made me realise that feelings are always changing and that things only ever happen for a reason. So right now I'd give anything to speak to him and get closure, but it's not going to happen. And I just have to accept that and move on. There's not going to be a day when he realises how much I'm hurting and pick up the phone and start being nice to me. He doesn't care anymore. He's moved on. I'm walking away from the person who hurt me, hit me and broke me. I have to walk away. And somewhere in that process I will pick the pieces back up again and shut away the bad memories. The bruises and the swearing. The shouting and the hitting. The hatred and the anger. And eventually I will look back on all of this and smile about the good memories. The laughs and the smiles, the days out and the nights in. Every experience makes you who you are, and this can only make me stronger. If I can survive this, I can survive anything. Right now we can't be friends. We can't deal with each other. Nothing went wrong, but nothing is ever going to be right again. My best friend is now my worst enemy. My heart belongs to the boy who hit me and bruised me. And only a fool would ever let that happen. So I'm taking back my love. I'm taking back my heart. And I'm moving on. Never again will I look back into the past. It's over. It's gone. My life is just beginning. A life without him in it. It's time to forget all those happy times, the happiest times of my life. My trust may be ruined, and my heart may be broken, but I will fix it and I will learn to smile, and when I smile, I will really mean it. One day in the future, my eyes won't be filled with hurt and tears, but with laughter and happiness. And one day, I will find someone who loves me, just as much as I love them. They will give me their heart, and I will understand that I can't break it. Because once someone breaks your heart, the scars will always show. I will never love someone like that again, but I will love again. And I will learn to be happy. Time to move on. Time to open new doors and welcome the new experiences that await me. 

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

Someone take her home away from here..

Been feeling pretty down about stuff lately. I don't know if it's because of the stress of the looming exams, or just because I miss the boy I'm in love with. Cheesy? But yeah, I love him. I still love him. Even after everything that happened. Even after he hit me, spat at me, tried to break my arm and said he isn't afraid to hurt me anymore. Even after he told me I ruined his life. I still love him. It's crazy isn't it? After all the hurt, and guilt he has made me feel, I still love him. I love him like I've never loved anyone. And I think in a weird way, I always will. Maybe get back to me in two years and then see how I feel. I hope I can get over him and forget him. But I think he'll always have a piece of me. Because I love him. And he was special. And I felt so lucky to be able to call him mine. Even if it was only for 2 years.

Sorry for being cheesy and moaning about a stupid boy who broke my heart.

But I'm just in a bad place right now. 

It's alright because I like the way it hurts.

So I've kissed a couple of guys. 

But none of them are YOU

Story of my life.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you and
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh
'Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break
No it don't break, no it don't breakeven, no

What am I gonna do
When the best part of me was always you
And what am I supposed to say
When I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One's still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
('Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven)

Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no
Oh, it don't breakeven, no

Someone save me?

I'm going to just write for once. No pictures, just words. 

So I'm a little bit sad, and a little bit lonely. I miss him more than words could ever explain. He was the only person who knew me inside and out and the one person who was always there. When I was feeling sad I could just pick up the phone and he would know what to say to make everything better. But now who is there? Who can take this feeling away? So I have bad days and good days and I guess this is a bad day. Everything hurts. Everything reminds me of him. I pick up the phone to call him and he doesn't answer. I text him saying I need to talk to him but he doesn't reply. What happened to make us like this. From going so close, to so far apart. In just a couple of weeks. Best friends to enemies. Lovers to haters. All the times we laughed together and cried together are just a distant memory now. All the things we did together. All the times we were there for each other. The places that mean something, The pictures that always made me smile. What do you do with all these memories? Just let them float around in your head, destroying you. Thinking what could have been and knowing you lost the only person in your life that meant something to you. It's hard when people ask you how you are doing and you have to somehow find the strength to reply that you are fine, when really you are falling apart inside. I don't miss my boyfriend. I miss my best friend. I miss the laughs, the good times and the happiness. I miss the feeling I got when I heard him say he loved me. I miss the look in his eyes when he smiled at me. I miss holding him close and knowing he'll always be mine. I miss his voice and his smile. I miss every little detail. And I'm so scared that I'll forget what he looks like, what he sounds like, what he feels like. I know I need to forget, but I don't want to. I don't want to forget the only person who ever loved me and made me feel like I was worth something to someone. I don't want to have to forget the way he made me feel, because it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I don't want to feel alone anymore. I want him back. And I hate that even though he hurt me, he's the only person in the whole entire world who can make me feel better. I hate it. I hate it all. Because he's moved on, and I'm still one big mess inside, wishing he'd come back for me and make everything the way it used to be. 

I will wait for you, but I won't wait forever...

So my head is all over the place right now. I think I need to get away.

This is not what I intended, I always swore to you I'd never fall apart. 

You always thought that I was stronger..

I may have failed but I have loved you from the start.

Lazy day.

Hello hangover, haven't seen you for a while! 

In this weird twisted way, I know you miss me liking you, not because I want to believe it's true, but because you'll never find a girl that can put up with you like I did; you'll never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because no one will waste all there love on someone like you, like I did.

New Start?

So I'm back at uni. Away from the memories and places that hold a special place in my heart. New faces and new experiences. A whole 8 weeks ahead of me in which to move on and make new memories. No more living in the past. No more "what if's" and wondering what "could have been". It's a new start for me, surrounded by people who I already call my best friends. So yeah I miss back home and the people there. But they'll be there when I get back. So this is my time to get out in the world. Young, free and single. This is my time to live. Maybe single isn't as bad as I thought. Maybe I will get to finally have some fun! 

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us"

It's hard to forget someone you know you'll always remember...♥

Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because he was the first person that received ALL of you. After that, you learn better, But most importantly, no matter what, a piece of you remains left behind in the heart of the person you once loved, a piece a future lover could never get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love truly can last forever, it holds friendship and pain and trial and error. That one kiss you'll never forget and that one night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love could be... everything that was proven wrong.

He could be that boy, but I'm not that girl...♥

It's so easy to pretend to be strong, yet so hard to actually be strong.
 I'm falling apart and no one knows it but me. 
 Heartbreak is never going to be easy. 

 









I still love him.
And, it hurts. 

HELLO. ♥

HAPPY NEW YEAR. 

New Year's Resolution:
Be happy for YOU!


(and start blogging) 

 










THIS. IS. ME.