You hurt me and I hurt you.. that's how it's going to be from now on.

So I spoke to "him" yesterday and he fucked me up all over again. He's seeing someone ten times better than me, he never even wants to be friends with me, and he doesn't want anything to do with me ever again. So at first I was upset, and crying and a bit of a mess. But then I realised well, why do I care? Yeah I love him, but I'll fall out of love with him one day. Why do I want someone in my life who "doesn't give a fuck" if he hurts me? And I realised that the answer is I don't want anything to do with someone like that. Right now it's hard not to pick up the phone and call him and ask for an explanation. But I know that one day things will get better and that I'll realise I don't need him anymore. I just can't wait for that day. I'm still in love with the person he used to be, not the person he is now. He changed and I just need to realise that he's not the same boy I fell in love with. So many relationships are breaking up around me, and so many are just forming. It's made me realise that feelings are always changing and that things only ever happen for a reason. So right now I'd give anything to speak to him and get closure, but it's not going to happen. And I just have to accept that and move on. There's not going to be a day when he realises how much I'm hurting and pick up the phone and start being nice to me. He doesn't care anymore. He's moved on. I'm walking away from the person who hurt me, hit me and broke me. I have to walk away. And somewhere in that process I will pick the pieces back up again and shut away the bad memories. The bruises and the swearing. The shouting and the hitting. The hatred and the anger. And eventually I will look back on all of this and smile about the good memories. The laughs and the smiles, the days out and the nights in. Every experience makes you who you are, and this can only make me stronger. If I can survive this, I can survive anything. Right now we can't be friends. We can't deal with each other. Nothing went wrong, but nothing is ever going to be right again. My best friend is now my worst enemy. My heart belongs to the boy who hit me and bruised me. And only a fool would ever let that happen. So I'm taking back my love. I'm taking back my heart. And I'm moving on. Never again will I look back into the past. It's over. It's gone. My life is just beginning. A life without him in it. It's time to forget all those happy times, the happiest times of my life. My trust may be ruined, and my heart may be broken, but I will fix it and I will learn to smile, and when I smile, I will really mean it. One day in the future, my eyes won't be filled with hurt and tears, but with laughter and happiness. And one day, I will find someone who loves me, just as much as I love them. They will give me their heart, and I will understand that I can't break it. Because once someone breaks your heart, the scars will always show. I will never love someone like that again, but I will love again. And I will learn to be happy. Time to move on. Time to open new doors and welcome the new experiences that await me. 

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”