Forgive and forget, right?

"EVERYONE SAYS FORGIVENESS IS A LOVELY IDEA, UNTIL THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO FORGIVE"

He called me up last night. The boy who hurt me, broke me and destroyed me. The boy who took my heart and ruined my self confidence and trust. He phoned me up out of the blue, when I was at least expecting it, when I had finally moved on. I haven't thought about him for months. I haven't cared, I haven't contacted him. I've accepted the pain and moved on and I am finally finding myself and learning to be happy. 

But then he called me. And he cried. And he apologised for every little bit of pain he had caused me. And he told me that he missed me. He told me that he was sorry. That he has never been able to forgive himself for the hurt he caused. That he has always been able to talk to me and he knew that one day we were bound to be friends. He was actually nice to me. He actually cares and he always has done. 

It was the most surreal two hours of my life so far. A boy who I had learnt to forgotten and who I had convinced myself didn't care for me anymore. Called me up and told me he was so sorry. And he actually cried. And me, the idiot that I am, I forgave him. Because he is and always has been my best friend. And I always missed the way we can just talk to each other and laugh and not give a shit. 

I sat there and I listened to him as he told me that his life is a complete mess. That he used a girl to get over me, as a rebound. That he doesn't love her, but she loves him. That he doesn't know what to do because he needs to get out of it, that he's not ready for committment and wants to be single. I just sat there. And I didn't cry. I didn't get upset. I listened to him tell me about the holidays they had already been on, their trip to the sea-side. And it didn't hurt me. I wanted him to tell me all this, I wanted him to just be happy. And that proved to me that finally, after months of pain and hurt and tears.. I'm over him. 

 

We spoke for two hours. It was the best two hours of my life since I lost him. Because I got my best friend back. And yes, things are complicated and I have no idea what's going to happen now. But it just feels like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. He has restored all my hope in love and men. They aren't all complete dicks, and eventually they learn. I hope him and I can be friends now and forget everything that happened between us. 

I love how we can jsut talk to each other after everything that has happened. That we actually spoke about the time when we were together and we laughed about it. And we talked about everything that went wrong and now I understand everything. We weren't meant to be but we are meant to be friends. Two people who were that close can never go for the rest of their lives without talking. 

This is definitely the beginning of a new start for me. Because now I can finally close the doors on him and look back at the relationship and smile and laugh. We can be friends, with no feelings, but there will always be something between us because we share something special. I'm so happy to have him back in my life. And I'm so happy that I don't love him anymore. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, he made me stronger. And now I'm ready to face anything that comes my way. 

I got over him. I don't need him anymore. And that is the way to be. Because now he is in my life, and I'm happy with that but I don't need him there. He will always have a place in my heart and I just cannot put it into words how relieved I feel that I finally got an apology and I finally learnt the truth about everything that he put me through. I will always care about him and now I know that he will always be a part of my life. And that is what I have always wanted with him. I don't care if he's not my boyfriend. He's my friend and I am so happy to have him back in my life.