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I don't want to hold on, I want the strength to let go. 

 

.

"Do you remember the way we used to talk?

Do you remember how we were.. 

Just a summer ago?"

:)

So hello, good friend.

I saw him today. And everything was fine. I had such a good time with him. I was so surprised. We laughed, we spoke and we were just us again. Minus all the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff. It feels really good to have my friend back. To know that we can finally draw a line under everything that happened and just smile. Not one of my friends understands why I needed to see him today. But I did. It was just something I had to do. And it went fine. It was lovely. We spoke about the past and laughed about all the memories we shared. And we also spoke about the present and everything that is going on in our lives now. I didn't so much like the stories about all the girls that he has been with. But it was fine. It was something I needed to do and I did it with pride and conquered all the fear that I felt. And he hugged me. And for the first time, I felt like I had really let him go. And although there was a point when I wondered what would happen if I just leant in and kissed him, there were no feelings anymore. It was just a friendship. We are just two people who know each other so well, who can finally be friends and forget all the bad things that we have been through in the past. And now I know I can go to Spain knowing that I have closure and that everything has been cleared up. My whole life lies ahead of me now. I can finally move on from every little thing. And the best thing is that I don't want to be with him anymore. Not now or at anytime in the future. He's changed. His whole attitude on life has changed. And although it hurts to know he isn't the same person anymore, it makes me happy to know that I could never go back to him. I'm over him, I don't care for what could have been anymore. I'm over him and that's the way it is from now on. 

I'm Freeeee :)

Finally finished... :) 

No more exams or uni work until October now. I'm freee! 

Booked my flights for Spain. 

I literally CANNOT wait!!!! 

Life's good! 

 

Hmm...

He called me and apologised and said he only said those things because he was drunk.

We're friends again.

I have a french exam tomorrow and I am most probably going to fail.

But it's my last exam and all I am thinking about is the celebrations afterwards.

I literally cannot wait to be free! 

In 12 hours life will be good again. 

No need to say goodbye.

It only just hit me that I'm moving out of halls a week today.

I will never live in this room again.

This room that I so badly hated when I first came.

The room I thought was dirty and tiny and so unhomely that I just wanted to go home.

But then I fell in love with it and everyone else in my flat.
Now this is my home and I don't want to leave.

I don't want to move out.

I don't want to have to say goodbye to you all for 4 months.

My life is going to seem so empty without you all. 

And so much has happened to me in this tiny little box room. 

Tears, laughter, love. 

These four walls have seen me at my worst but also at my best. 

I dread the day when I have to say goodbye. 

I don't want to be a second year uni student.

oh darling, my head is a mess.

"You're clearly not over me so I will contact you again when you're ready. In the mean time I won't reply to your messages, calls or emails". 

WHY? I am over you. Aren't I? I worked so hard to get over you. I really did. I thought I was. I think I am. But you just came back into my life and all of a sudden things started going on in my head, and I had to tell you what I felt, I had to tell you that I missed you. Because I do. But now I've gone and lost you again. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe I'm not over you, maybe you do know me too well and you're the only one who can see the truth. Maybe I'll never get over you. Please come back one day. Because that would be nice. I don't want to get back together, I do only want to be friends. And that is the truth. But for now, I'll be waiting for the day when you think I'm ready. I forgot you once, I can forget you again, right? 

My brain hurts.

So sick of revising. 

The only thing that is keeping me going is Monday night and SPAIN. (and red bull)